Remembering Women Who Lost Their Babies to Suicide

On this mother’s day weekend, we feel the love we so selflessly give every day.  Our kids bring home their homemade cards, with their little hand prints or flowers they drew for us.  We go to brunch and get pampered for our one day out of the year.  But some mothers won’t be receiving homemade cards or extra hugs because their child isn’t here anymore.  They lost their child to the epidemic that is spreading through this country and the world.  They lost their babies to suicide.  Today, I will be remembering women who lost their babies to suicide.

 

Remembering Women who has lost their babies to suicide
Take time today to remember the women who have lost their child to suicide

 

Cornelia Reynolds

Cornelia Reynolds, lost her 8 year old son, Gabriel to suicide in January of 2017.   In a surveillance video, released by his school, you can see Gabriel being assaulted and knocked unconscious.  This incident happened 2 days before his suicide.  Gabriel laid there for over 5 minutes, being kicked and poked by other boys, before any adult comes.

 

When help finally comes, instead of contacting an ambulance, the school nurse had Cornelia pick Gabriel up from school, telling her that he fainted.  Later that evening, Gabriel began vomiting, so he was taken to the hospital where they said he had stomach virus (neither Ms. Reynolds nor the ER doctor had any knowledge of what transpired in the bathroom that day.)

2 days later Gabriel hanged himself with a necktie in his home.  In a despicable act, the school takes no culpability, stating that they “didn’t know what happened in the bathroom.” ???  How is that possible?  GO watch the surveillance footage that I just watched and you’ll see what happened, Carson Elementary School and the Cincinnati School District are heinous human beings.  Period (but that’s a post for another day.)

Today, I would like to offer my sincere condolences to Cornelia for the loss of her only son.   My heart breaks for her

 

Remembering Women who have lost their babies to suicide
For some, this is a sad day. Please try to keep these women in your thoughts

 

Tricia Norman

Tricia Norman, lost her 12 year old daughter, Rebecca to suicide in 2013.  After enduring over a year of bullying and cyberbullying, Tricia pulled Rebecca out of her elementary school to home school her.  Rebecca had switched schools and Tricia believed her daughter was happy there.  She had no idea that the girls Rebecca had a problem with at her old school had taken to the Internet to torture her daughter.

 

Rebecca left for school on Monday morning but never got there.  Tricia reported Rebecca missing at 7 p.m., having never received a call from the automated system at the school telling her that Rebecca wasn’t there.  Deputies found Rebecca’s body at 2:25 a.m.

 

Tricia, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and I will remember you on this mother’s day and every day.

 

Remembering women who have lost their babies to suicide

 

Katrina Goss

Katrina Goss lost her 11 year old son, Tysen to suicide, in April of 2017.  After returning home from school on March 14th, Tysen seemed happy and proud that he went to his tutoring that day without being reminded.  Katrina baked for him as a reward.  Tysen went to his room after dinner.

 

Goss went to say goodnight to Tysen around 10 p.m. and found his door locked.  She opened it with her key but didn’t see her son anywhere-she thought he was playing a trick on her.  Katrina found her son hanging in his closet.  She tried to pick him up while screaming for her older son to call 911.  Paramedics were able to revive Tysen but he succumbed to his injuries 3 weeks later.

Goss stated that evening Tysen was texting someone who was using someone else’s Snapchat account.  This person told Tysen his girlfriend had died.  No one told him it was a prank.  Katrina stated that her son died because of a “twisted, sick joke,” and I agree with her.

 

Katrina, I am so sorry for the loss of your son.  Please know I am thinking of you today and everyday.

 

Jane Clementi

 

Jane Clementi lost her 18 year old son, Tyler to suicide in 2010.  Tyler had been a victim of a disgusting invasion of privacy when his roommate at Rutgers University taped him during an intimate situation.  He then invited other students to view it.  Tyler found out about the incident and that his roommate was planning on doing it again.

Several days later, Tyler jumped off the George Washington Bridge.

Jane started the Tyler Clementi Foundation which was created to raise awareness and prevent bullying.  The Tyler Clementi Foundation is a non-profit organization working to end online and offline bullying, harassment, and humiliation.

Happy Mother’s Day Jane.  I am so very sorry for your loss

 

Remembering Women who Lost their babies to Suicide
Happy Mother’s Day

 

My Mommy

And last, but certainly the most important one to me, my Mom, Sue.  She lost her daughter, my sister, Jessie to suicide in 2015.  My sister was suffering from postpartum depression.  She was not monitored properly and ended her life in August of 2015.

Happy Mother’s Day Mommy.  I love you so much.  Thank you for being so strong and taking such good care of the girls and I.

 

To all the Moms out there, Happy Mother’s Day.  Hold your children a little tighter today as you remember the mother’s who have lost their babies to suicide.

 

Thank you for reading

 

 

 

 

How To Talk To Your Kids About “13 Reasons Why”

The Facts

 

By now every parent in the world has heard of Netflix’s, 13 Reasons Why and everyone has some sort of opinion, whether good, bad, or indifferent.  I’m not going to tell you what is “good” for your child to watch.  Good and bad play no part in what the grand scheme of the show is trying to show.  Was it graphic…yes…suicide is graphic.  Did it blame other people and not talk about mental health…yes…but sometimes after what happened to a girl like Hannah, anxiety and depression creep in.

All this is not the point.

The fact is, certain shows or movie or video game or even commercials aren’t “good” or “bad” for your child.  It’s how those things are explained to your child that matters.

Here are some tips on how to talk to your kids about “13 Reasons Why.”

 

13 Reasons Why
Welcome to your tape

 

Some Background First

As many people who read my blog know, I lost my sister to suicide in 2015.  Her death has sparked something in me.  After constantly reading about youth suicide in the news, I’ve recently made it my mission to have a formal suicide prevention program in every school in America.  I also want to include coping skills, mindset makeovers, and a “caring adult” (where every child will have and name a trusted adult they can turn to in times of crisis) aspect to those programs.

 

Here are a few tips on how to talk to your kids about “13 Reasons Why.”  Even if you don’t allow your child to watch the show, they are going to watch it at a friend’s house, or hear enough about it to be confused.  Instead of being up in arms about the airing of the show, be up in arms about the premise of the show.  The reality is, kids are killing themselves and, in some cases, other kids are to blame.  Just give me the benefit of the doubt and read further.

 

13 reasons why

 

 

Words DO hurt

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can sometimes kill me.  Talk to your children about the power of words.  As adults, we know that words can be said in anger, that can never be taken back-and they hurt-BAD.  Instill in your child the belief, “Don’t say anything to another child, you wouldn’t want said back.”

On the other hand

Explain to your child, no matter what anyone says about them, believing in yourself & having the confidence to know you’re amazing-are the most important traits to have.  This confidence is what is going to get you through your day.  Try to explain to them (I say try, because they are not going to believe you)-this will not last forever.

Middle school doesn’t last forever

High school doesn’t last forever

Things can change-things will change-just give life a chance

 

Things can change-things will change-just give life a chance Click To Tweet

 

DON’T Allow Anyone To Put Their Hands On You

Whether it’s a girl touching your hair, to a boy snapping your bra-it is not ok for someone to touch you.  It is not acceptable and should not be tolerated by the child, the teacher, the parents, or the school system.  Talk to your child about having a trusted adult they can go to, if they don’t feel comfortable talking to you about things like this.

And God forbid, someone forces themselves on your child…..

My children know who their trusted adults are and they know how to get in touch with them if need be.

Also, in serious situations, such as this, not only should you contact the school verbally.  You should also send something to the school in writing, copying your Board of Education, explaining the situation in detail.  School should be a safe place for kids and it’s turning into a nightmare for some kids.  It needs to stop.

 

DON’T Be A Bystander

I know, in this day and age, we tell our kids, “Don’t get involved in other people’s drama.”  We, as parents, need to understand, our children witnessing someone being humiliated or (EVEN WORSE) hurt by another child, is detrimental to their mental health, as well.

They need to feel comfortable, going to a trusted teacher, or you, and letting you know that another child is being hurt at school or around the neighborhood and you need to help that child.  Whether it is by contacting the child’s parents, the school, the police-just get someone to help the situation.  Instill in your child-If you see something, say something.

 

DO Explain Suicide

Unfortunately my kids, who are 8, 9, and 11, know about suicide.  When my sister killed herself, they were devastated.  I didn’t tell them at first.  I knew they were going to find out so I wanted to be the one who told them.  It was hard and they were confused (they’re still confused, I think) but they have come to a place of acceptance.  A place I will never get to.

You may disagree with my decision to tell them the truth

I figured in a time when 11 year olds are killing themselves, it’s better to be honest than politically correct.

Let them know the basics-

Suicide is not glamorous, it’s gory and raw

This is not a TV show-suicide is forever-it’s final-it’s the end

And the people left behind are devastated and broken and incomplete because of it.

 

 

13 Reasons Why

 

DO Take Their Feelings Seriously

 

Kids need to feel heard.  This is where that trusted adult comes in handy.  In some cases, kids feel it is their parent that is driving them to feel the feelings they’re having.  So obviously, they’re not going to go to that parent to discuss these feelings.

If your child does come to you showing signs of depression or anxiety, take these symptoms seriously.  Talk to their pediatrician honestly about your child’s behavior.  They will supply you with instructions on what to do next.

Give your child the suicide prevention number 1-800-SUICIDE

 

Conclusion

In the end, whether you allow your child to watch “13 Reasons Why” or not-they are going to either watch behind your back or hear enough about it that they will know what it’s about.  Even if the show never existed, kids need to learn about suicide prevention.

They need to understand bullies are going to bully.  You can’t control how someone else acts.  What you can control is how you react to those actions.

The show has tons of pros and cons, but so do a lot of other shows, movies, video games, YouTube videos, etc.  There is only so much we can shield our kids from before the world is thrown in their faces.

In a perfect world, every kid would be happy and healthy and everyone would be friends but we have this world.  Try to make it as perfect as possible for your child.

Be the pillar of strength your kid needs-be their rock-be their constant

And if you can’t be-find them a trusted adult so they can go to them anytime they need them.  An aunt, uncle, teacher, coach, clergy can be there for them.

 

Did you allow your child to watch “13 Reasons Why?”  Did they watch it somewhere else?  How did you talk to them about it?  Let me know in the comments.

 

Also, please share this post with other parents.  Thank you

Suicide Prevention-How I Went From Devastated to Driven Part 2

 

 

I have come up with my Part 2 to From Devastated to Driven Part 1.  Suicide prevention should be discussed in schools, period.  There are pros and cons to everything; medicines, books, movies, video games, standardized tests.  To take the stance, talking about suicide could lead to suicide, is not an answer anymore.  We have to weigh the benefits against the drawbacks of a prevention program.

 

To take the stance, talking about suicide could lead to suicide, is not an answer anymore. Click To Tweet

 

 

Why I Want Suicide Prevention Spoken About in School

My sister’s death has ignited something in me, a drive like I’ve never seen.   After reading numerous article on youth suicide, I’ve decided to act.  I’m currently in the research phase.

I really don’t know when my attention turned to the kids attempting and completely suicide.  It seemed like every time I opened my internet browser, a story about a child’s suicide came up.

The fact of the matter is kids’ young minds will soak up any information we’re giving them.  I know, you’re thinking, my kid doesn’t listen or remember anything but you’re wrong.  Kids know, realize, listen, and retain a lot more than we think.   I have big ideas on how to help kids retrain their brains, to believe in themselves, to love themselves, to forgive themselves for their perceived shortcomings or mistakes, they feel they’ve made.

 

 

Through my constant reading, I have been changed by the self help industry. I am going to write my own suicide prevention program with schools around America, and possibly the world

 

My Sister

My sister’s suicide in 2015 obviously rocked the foundation my life sits on.  Losing my best friend has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.  I spent many days and nights in bed, hysterical, screaming “WHY.”  Almost 2 years later, I still do that on some days.

Other days, I thank her for changing my life.  She literally altered the framework of my life.  I’ve never been more ready for change-not only to change myself but to work to change so many who feel broken.

 

Evolution of Grief

You see, when you’re grieving, you don’t pay attention to anything.  You stay in your pajamas all day (which I usually do anyway), you cry so much you’re eyes won’t open, and then one day you get up.  You’re pissed and ready to throat punch someone, anyone, to take the pain away.  Then you realize, you can use that anger for something good and that’s what I’m going to do…….

 

Suicide Prevention

My New Plan

I’ve spoken to 10 different kids (ages 9-17), who go to ten different schools, and not 1 of those schools offer a formal suicide prevention program.  Or if they do, the student don’t know about them. I’ll have an extensive post about this coming up next week  As of now, I have a lot of work to do.  I’ve found numerous suicide prevention programs that I could potentially pitch to my school system.  To be honest, I don’t think any of them are promising.

 

 

 

I have found new enlightment from many sources. I wil accomplsh my dreams

 

…..But What I Really Want To Do

I really want to become a motivational speaker for kids, teaching them not only suicide prevention but motivation and self esteem exercises.  Sounds crazy, right?

I don’t think so.

I want to be the Gabby Bernstein of the 7th grade.  Or the Tony Robbins of the 12th grade.  I have so many ideas spinning around my head.  I want to write and create my OWN suicide prevention program!!!

Sounds nuts, but even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and again.

I sincerely believe I can accomplish this goal.  I believe in my heart that I can change the way these kids feel about themselves.

 

 

 

My sister's suicide changed my life. I now want nothing more than to promote suicide prevention programs in schools

Life Coaching

I want to pursue a career in life coaching.  I know many of the kids I talked with, feel uncomfortable talking to their parents about certain issues.  In some cases, the parents are the problem, in the children’s opinion.

I want to help these families.  I want to be the voice on the other end of the line, that kids feel comfortable talking to.

Then I want to speak to kids about self-esteem, confidence, changing their mindset, realizing their dreams.

I want to help kids know their worth, know they are original and so very relevant to this life.

 

Write a Book

Also, I want to write a book.  THE BOOK on how to prevent suicide in children.

THE BOOK parents turn to when in need.  Sort of like Dr. Spock’s book back in the day.

I’ve never considered myself a writer.  I was always a math girl (still am) but something has shifted in me.  It’s like my soul flows through my fingers when I write.

 

I Don’t Know How Yet…..

 

Be the change you want to see in this world.  All I do, all day, is think about that quote.  Something has to be done, we have to say “NO MORE.”  We need to do something about the epidemic that has become youth suicide.

I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish all this stuff but I know I will.  As Marie Forleo says, “Everything is Figure Outtable!!!”

 

I Need Your Help

 

Now I have some questions for you, my loyal readers.  Does your child’s school have a formal suicide prevention program….not one they created after a tragedy happened-one that has been in place and being spoke about?  If so, can you tell me a little about it.

Also, can you please share this post, so other parents could tell me about any other programs they know about.  Thank you so much.